


stranger than fiction

by reptilianraven



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Professors, F/M, Fluff, HWP (Humor Without Plot), Humor, M/M, POV Outsider, zagreus is a nonfictionist and you cant convince me otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28361340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reptilianraven/pseuds/reptilianraven
Summary: “Sir Z is in a relationship,” Red hisses out.Broker frowns sympathetically as she pats Red on the back. “RIP on your crush on him then.”“No, no. I mean, yeah, RIP, but like, there’s more.” Red waves their hands around. “He’s datingSir Than and Miss Meg.”-When Red learns that Professor Zagreus, the Cool Prof™ of the Fine Arts Department, is in a relationship with the two mosthardassprofessors Creative Writing pedagogy has ever seen, Red promptly loses their shit.
Relationships: Megaera/Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 191





	stranger than fiction

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in like an hour to relax and thus this entire thing is quite silly. yet another Humor Without Plot fic
> 
> the reason why this is a creative writing major college au is because i was a creative writing major and i didnt wanna do any more research about other majors kjabfkajskfjaksf

Professor Zagreus is a Cool Prof™. Cool Prof as in he introduced himself with the words “Hey everybody, I’m Zagreus, you can call me Sir Zagreus, Sir Zag, Sir Z, just not Zaggy, please god, not Zaggy.” Cool Prof as in he swears in class and makes jokes about his own daddy issues and one time went on an entire ramble about how much he loves the show River Monsters hosted by Jeremy Wade. Cool Prof as in he’s an incredibly good teacher, making every topic easy to understand while at the same time pushing every student to think deeper and write better. 

Also, he’s ridiculously hot.

So Red absolutely has a crush on him, sue them.

Sir Z is Red’s professor for their Introduction to Nonfiction class and he actually makes Nonfiction fun, which is saying something given that nearly all essays are depressing as fuck, but these days, Red genuinely looks forward to every single class. Aside from being total eye candy—which, Red must be clear, he is. He so is. Fuckin’ tousled hair, messily done red button up, rolled up sleeves, and the glasses, don’t get them started on the _glasses_ —he genuinely teaches in a way that makes Red want to be good in this genre despite the fact that they’re set on taking the fiction track later on. 

That being said, this class is required, and Red just so happens to be a shit nonfictionist.

Which leads them here, in the cubicle that is Sir Z’s office for a consultation. 

Red is early, but the secretary had told them to wait in here while Sir Z comes back from his lunch break. So they wait, idly looking around the office and taking in all of Sir Z’s endearing knicknacks—a framed picture of him and his dog, a plushie of a bat and a mouse, a mug that ludicrously says “women want me, fish fear me”—when they hear footsteps nearby.

Not one set of footsteps though. It’s a whole set. 

Red stands—their eyes just barely making it over the cubicle, short people problems rock—and sees Sir Z laughing and talking with, surprisingly, Sir Than and Miss Meg. Which, huh, weird, Red could not think of two other professors that could be anymore of Sir Z’s opposite. Despite Red’s notions though, Sir Than and Miss Meg have easy smiles on their faces as they listen to Sir Z talk. 

Miss Meg even _laughs_.

Did Red teleport to another dimension?

The three of them walk towards Sir Z’s cubicle, and Red is able to hear them now.

“Okay, seriously though, Zag,” Sir Than, amused. Red didn’t even know Sir Than was _capable_ of being amused. “We need a new microwave. Non negotiable.”

“As entertaining as it is to watch you blowtorch everything,” Miss Meg says slyly, and not like she wants to kill anybody. Red pinches themself, wondering if they’re in an elaborate dream. “You’re going to catch on fire if you keep it up.”

“Okay, okay, I concede. We can go shopping this weekend.” Sir Z laughs. “I’ve gotta go now, guys, I have a consultation with a student soon. See you later.”

“See you later, Zag,” Sir Than and Miss Meg both say before they lean in and do something that makes Red’s brain explode.

Sir Than and Miss Meg, one after the other, both give Sir Z a quick kiss on the lips, before walking away.

It takes all of Red’s restraint not to audibly go “EEP.” Instead, they just sit slowly and quietly sink back into their seat. A few seconds later, Sir Z comes in.

“Red, you’re here already!” Sir Z greets, taking a seat at his desk. “Wonderful, we have a lot to discuss, concerning your latest essay and—Er, are you alright?”

Red blinks. “Oh, uh, yeah, totally! Why?”

“You just look a bit,” Sir Z gestures vaguely. “Shaken.”

“I’m just—” _Trying to reorient my view of the entire universe_. “—Nervous about this consultation, sir.”

Sir Z smiles warmly. “Nothing to be nervous about. Messing up is the first step to getting good at something, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Red nods meekly, trying not to blush.

They shouldn’t. It isn’t right anymore to blush, because Sir Z is in a relationship.

Specifically, in a relationship with Sir Than and Miss Meg.

_Hello????_

-

It’s not that Sir Than and Miss Meg aren’t good teachers. They’re incredibly skilled at their craft, Sir Than being a poet and Miss Meg being a fictionist. They’re incredibly skilled at translating that skill into lessons that scrappy little undergrads can understand. They’re also just incredibly skilled at being very strict, stupendously intimidating, and excruciatingly meticulous in terms of grading. 

Red has taken both of their classes. Being Sir Than’s student felt as if they were constantly being stalked by death while being Miss Meg’s student felt like being literarily whipped for their heinous fiction craft crimes. Yes, Red learned a lot, but god, at what cost. 

Sir Z being friends with Sir Than and Miss Meg is something that already would’ve surprised Red. The three of them dating is basically like somebody lobbed a block of C4 into Red’s skull. 

Red can’t be the only one to suffer through this knowledge. They need to tell somebody before they implode onto themself.

Red finds Broker and Chef at their usual table in the study hall, the both of them sitting there and very obviously not doing any studying. Chef seems to be constructing a house of cards with crackers and Broker is counting money she most likely got from selling students stupid shit on the university marketplace Facebook group like laser guided scissors or yet another batch of trendy windbreakers.

Red brisk walks over to the table, and—gently, she doesn’t want to get told off for making too much noise—slams their hands on the surface.

“ _Sir Z is in a relationship,_ ” Red hisses out.

Broker frowns sympathetically as she pats Red on the back. “RIP on your crush on him then.”

“No, no. I mean, yeah, RIP, but like, there’s more.” Red waves their hands around. “He’s dating _Sir Than and Miss Meg._ ”

A beat of silence. 

Broker stops counting money. 

Chef’s cracker house collapses.

“Really?” Chef asks, his expression absolutely bewildered. 

“Really,” Red nods their head very fast. “I heard them talking about domestic shit like microwaves and then Sir Than and Miss Meg kissed him!”

“Kissed him as in romantically?” Broker asks. “Sir Z is British, maybe it’s a British kiss greeting sorta thing?”

“I don’t think that’s the Brits,” Chef says. “That’s the Europeans. The _Europe_ Europeans. Where all the countries are right next to each other, so the people might as well kiss, or something. I don’t know.”

“The kisses were on the _lips_ ,” Red gestures frantically. “I don’t think it’s because he’s British.”

“Huh,” Chef leans back into his chair and takes a bite out of one of his crackers. “Well, good for them, I guess.”

“Oh, yeah, totally, good for them,” Red nods sagely. “But also like, what the fuck?”

“Yeah, I agree with Red here.” Broker says. “Sir Z could not be any more different than Sir Than and Miss Meg. Sir Z seems like the type push me out of the way of an oncoming car while Sir Than and Miss Meg are more like, ‘then perish’ kind of mood.”

“Opposites attract,” Chef shrugs. “I think it’s romantic.”

Which, okay, past the fact that this whole thing made Red lose all their marbles, it totally is.

**Author's Note:**

> im [actualbird](http://actualbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!!!


End file.
